Moron Culture Update: New Moon Outrunning “Twilight”
This just in – an announcement on the latest developments of the Most Retarded Franchise of the Year:
Thousands of fans across America gathered their idiocy and went to the ‘Twilight at Midnight’ events held by Barnes and Noble and other literary institutions that are seeing a downturn in readership, and thus have forcibly begun lowering themselves to disconcertingly pathetic commercial standards.
The turnout was mostly teenage girls between the ages of 11 and 18, and gay men between the ages of 35 and 50.
Fans also got a bonus at certain locations, where the lesser known stars who aren’t disenchanted by fame yet actually showed up in person. Characters such as Justin Chon (Eric), Michael Welch (Mike), and Christian Serratos (Angelea) were in attendance.
“Stewart was too busy smoking a doobie to show up for the fans that made her famous,” says a source. The theorizing is unconfirmed, but it’s also not unlikely.
Summit Entertainment, naturally is thrilled. The popularity of New Moon is beating the original film by a landslide, and the deafening shrill yelling of schoolgirls and middle-aged men alike is only increasing with the impending June release of Eclipse.
“The ground we have broken with in-store partnerships and the availability of this title has been a positive influence on the retail DVD business”, states Steve Nickerson, President of Summit.
The only ‘ground’ Twilight is breaking is that of the mental landscape of the now brainwashed youth that accept Taylor Luther’s abs as a reasonable substitute for good acting.
Goodbye, golden age of film. Hello, idiots of Untrained Young Hollywood.
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